My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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