i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
