i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
