Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
