I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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