Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
