I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
