Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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