I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
someone owes me an orgasm
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
