I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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