forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
