in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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