Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
