can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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