If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
