Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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