you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
