I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
