You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
