gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
