I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
