They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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