just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
