am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
