I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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