I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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