My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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