He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
