his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
