I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
