So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
