He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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