wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
