She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
