You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
