I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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