i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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