I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
