You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
