dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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