u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
