i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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