Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
