i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
