i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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