It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
