I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
