Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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