Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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