Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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