I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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