I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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