I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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