I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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