bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
