Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
