he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i now understand why vodka
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
